It must have been a bad dream; one of those that I’m not
supposed to remember. It wasn’t your fault; no one had told you that I usually
remember the details. You would’ve not knocked on my door that night if you had
known it from the beginning. Some strange feelings tell me that you would have
not asked for tea, particularly for the one I used to make, you would’ve not sat
on the love chair, held my hands, made me sit on your knees, you certainly
would have not asked me to comfort you when I looked into your tired, sad eyes……
It must have been a bad dream; me, sitting on the sofa in
front of you, you, trying to convince me that you had no other choice, expecting
me to understand your situation, that you were suffering, even more than how I
was, holding my hands, holding up your tears….
It must have been a bad dream; we were all lying down on the
floor staring at the ceiling. Something was about to happen. Something unknown,
somehow scary, sad even! Your right hand crawled under the blanket and held my
left hand; so tight that I felt nothing could ever come between us, nothing could ever hurt me........
It must have been a bad dream; you looked into my eyes, had
that mysterious smile on your face. “Are you sure that it will be just
this one time?” you asked. “What if you want more after this?” smile turned
into some sort of frustration! “It’s gonna be just this onetime. I will disappear
from your life after tonight” I whispered into your ear. You stood up, held my
hand and walked me down the street. Familiar faces were looking at us. I could see the curiosity in their eyes. “Was she real this whole time?”, “Why is he
holding her hand?” How strange it is that I could hear their thoughts! You stopped at
the intersection; put a piece of paper in my hand, and said: “go to this
address and wait for me.” Then you walked away. Then I walked away ………
They must have all been bunch of bad dreams! meant to be forgotten before the sun rises, but my stupid imagination has
a way of hurting me! It makes me wonder if it’s your imagination living in my
head instead of my own! But out of all these strange stories, there is one that I
want to remember forever:
The story of a man who stole my eyes the moment he appeared in
front of me, the man whose smile has been burnt on my brain since he looked
into my eyes and called me beautiful…. I often feel the same heat in my heart
that I felt when he sent me that email asking me to contact him…. I remember his
every single sentence….. I don’t think I will ever forget when he held my hands,
when he asked me if I was gonna get lost if he had let go of me, when he
told me he liked me as we were crossing the street …… I won’t forget his voice
when he asked me to sing for him forever ….. When I felt his arm around my
shoulder….. His fingers … there are so many things that I may never forget about him! Like
that time when he asked me to wait, or that time when he didn’t want me to wait….
when he told everyone that he had nothing to talk to me about ….. and the message he sent me after that, telling me he had missed me.... Or that time
when he made me wait for him till one in the morning before he said that he
couldn’t come…. All those other times that he made me wait …. How could I ever
forget his message at 4 in the morning asking me where I was…. Or his replies
in the morning when he was in his way to work…. how can I forget?! How can I
ever forget that “Yes” that I got from him in the middle of my final exam…. I
screamed! And all the other lies………… how can I ever forget all of those!? The image
of him leaning on the wall, lost in his thoughts, holding his cigarette.… how
much I wanted to be that cigarette in his hand in that moment! How much I still
wish that I was ….
How tired I am of only seeing him in my bad dreams!
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