Something has changed inside me. I live with some sort of unease;
some sort of existless, if that is even a world, inside me trying to take over.
The pain is still there, even though the form of it has changed; it’s not sharp
like it used to be, it doesn’t push me over the edge when it strikes, instead
it gradually eats me up. It feels like I have become that edge myself, and every
second I might fall over … studying is not what kills my body and takes away my
energy these days, I study to stop me from feeling me…..
At night, when I put my head on the pillow, I just want it to
be over, and in the morning, still, every single day, I ask myself the same question: is it really
another day I gotta go through…………………………
Meanwhile, I’m living life, like some others out there, day
by day, from journey to journey, trying to take the best possible steps, smile at little things, inspire others, be the best I can be, help as much
as I can, do my part, make the difference, be thankful for the opportunity that
I was given, and I was given again, and even one more time ….
Sometime I spread all the future plans in front of me, smile
at each wondering if I should kiss them goodbye…. What was that line from Thorn Birds? The line about that brother who never planned long term because he knew
there was no such a thing as long term!
It’s not that bad! Somehow it makes me get more done with my
time…. I assume I treasure the time I have left more than I used to!
Till the
night comes again, and I ask the same question: was it the last one?
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