What My Heart Wants

Sometimes I wonder if there is anything that I really want to achieve in my life...
I don't know!
Last February, when I thought I was dying, my only fear was that I die and never see you again! That is pretty much still one of my biggest fears..

My Life

Every single day death seems to be an option! 

To Be or Not To Be

I'm just thinking that if I die tomorrow, they will say all those crap like: she was full of life and she was happy and positive and full of hope..... 
That would be such a stupid lie haha 
It's one thing to live a lie, but to die with it... I don't know, maybe it's better that way! Who cares anyways! Well, no one is responsible to make me happy, so why would I guilt trick them after my death?! He .. no one was commissioned to hurt me either, but they just did it anyways!